Friday, January 23, 2009

Time to catch up...

Goodness. It's been a long time since I have been able to sit down and allow my thoughts to flow. I've been trying to figure out my new normal without realizing that I was already in the midst of it. Somehow, in the middle of all the chaos of work and school and family, we are all still alive and doing well. To those who have left well-wishes and have prayed for me/us, I cannot thank you enough. Please know that I have not forgotten you. I'm just trying to keep my head above water.

This leg of my journey has certainly been interesting, to say the least. I would be lying if I tried to play it off as if I have trusted God through the whole process, as if I haven't been angry and doubting Him in general. That would just make me a liar. But I know that He knows the truth of my heart and the journey it has taken. And I know of His great patience and mercy through it all. 

What I have noticed is that it really didn't take long for angry emotions to become an angry heart, for a couple of crass comments to become a wicked tongue, for a few days away from Scripture to become, well... too long away. And still, He is patient and merciful.

I still have many questions, such as, "what about those times that God doesn't come through?" But most of my questions probably will not be answered until I get Home. But work is going okay as I have gotten back into the swing of nursing. I did miss it more than I thought I did and more than I ever imagined I would. I did not miss the stress of it, though, nor did I miss the hours away from my family. As my belly grows, my feet seem to swell up a little more than what is natural, but I won't be pregnant for too much longer, and the swelling eventually goes down. My baby girl is growing well and will cook in my tummy for another 15 weeks or so. School is going okay too, as I cruise through the courses I need to finish up my BS in nursing. 

This is probably a bit scattered, but it seems like too much has happened to try to make sense of it all. Someday, I would like to be an actual blogger. I would like to write on a regular basis and explore God through the gifts that He has given me. Even now I have several blog entries that I started weeks ago tat not got finished due to time was even about New Year's resolutions and getting more organized to have more time. That obviously didn't work. Someday I would like to have a clean house for more than an hour or so, a floor that isn't sticky with food spots all over it. I would like to be a better wife who cooks dinner for her family on a more regular basis and actually gets to the grocery store more than once a month. But right now, we have cereal for dinner for often than we should, the floor has sticky spots all over it, and cleaning has become an exercise in futility as my girls are entertaining themselves and I am trying to get my schoolwork done. And that's this season of life. 

I don't have anymore answers than I did a few months ago, and I don't know if God will "come through" for us anymore in the future, but I know that He remains to be God, and somehow in the midst of all of this, my focus has become figuring out how to praise Him still, figuring out how to find a calm, quiet place even for a few moments each day to remind my heart who the King is. 

And so, my days are busy still, my girls are growing like mad, and my husband is still traveling to Africa for weeks at a time (actually leaving again in about a week). Through it all, though, I will seek contentment in the love of Christ, and I will unwaveringly pledge my allegiance to the Lamb of God alone. I promise I will try to do better with posting...maybe more than once every three months. That's my goal. I know...I'm aiming big here.

Grace and peace to y'all. Thanks for sticking with me.


  1. Girl, life is sometimes just as messy as our sticky floors! (and you're not the only one with them, if it makes you feel better!!!) Bless you for sharing the truth of what life looks like right now for you. It is tough! We've hit more rocky ground in my own family and sister's family. One Scripture that jumped on in our circumstances is Rom 5:3-5, in vs 4, I think, it says HOPE does not put us to shame!! (ESV) I find that of great comfort! While you're in the whirlwind, I encourage you get some praise on! In the car maybe? Do not let that Enemy get a foothold my friend! You keep fighting, using whatever resources you have to do so. Your friends will put a little "umpf" in the heavenlies with our prayers! Thanks for checking in! I am so glad to hear from you!

  2. Thanks for that, Rachel. I will jump on those verses as well. They are just what my heart needed to hear!

  3. Shauna... thanks for sharing! Your life is real life! It IS messy! All of our lives are messy - especially if we have kids. ;) You inspire me with your writings and I appreciate you making the effort. Your girls are adorable and your love for them shines through! Your love for God shines through, too - even in the messy times! Lately I've struggled with praising Him, too. And He waits ever so faithfully. Don't worry about 'being more organized' or 'doing things right'. Just be still and know.... He is God! He loves us all so much!

    Enjoy the journey....

  4. hey Shauna -- just viewed the girls' pics & read your words. these are the moments (seconds?) that God is glimpsed. and you so correct in saying that some of can never be known until we are home.
    i promise to 'stick w/ you' and to never stop praying for you.
    and now, i must go mop my own floor - my white socks i wore last nite are proof that this should be done -- this morning i looked and they are only white on the top half and not too pretty on the bottom!
    behave -- and know i love u


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