And then life...

Somehow life has a funny way of becoming oh-so busy. With a husband who travels more often than not, three little ones under the age of 5, a house to run, and somehow a life to be involved in, many of the things that I love and are passionate about get pushed to the back burner. At the end of the day, my brain hurts too much to try to form complete sentences, much less put together a coherent blog of any kind.

And so here it has sat. 

I must say that I have been forced to reevaluate many things in my own life lately. I have been challenged in what I believe and what it is based upon. I have been requested by some to speak or write about less controversial topics, as it is viewed as being too political. 

I can easily confess that I have a very sensitive spirit. I always have. It has toughened a bit through the last several years, but I still remain very sensitive to many things in general. That's not necessarily a bad thing, though some would argue otherwise. It is what it is, and I remain with the choice of what to do with it. 

I read an interesting quote recently: 

Research shows that the more elements make up your identity, the less threatening it is when any one element is threatened. Losing your job might be a blow to your self-esteem, but the fact that you lead your local alumni association gives you a comforting source of self-respect.

That came from a book that I have been reading through called "The Happiness Project" and has been a great source of inspiration and refocusing on many things for me. I stepped out of the career world when I decided to embrace mommyhood and support my husband's vision as his helpmate. I was by far no expert nurse, but I was a good nurse and loved the opportunity to be a part of a healing process for families at their lowest points. It was a great source of satisfaction and accomplishment. But it was my choice to walk away and I do not regret it. 

But I think it is safe to say that there are days when I flounder as a stay-at-home mom, not able to feel a sense of accomplishment or productivity. I enjoy writing, and yet am challenged most days to say anything beyond toddler talk. 

I have been told that my blog is not an effective way to reach people, or reach out to people. Pow.

I have been told that my posts are too controversial, even political, and pose a problem for those around me. Pow.
I have been told I should submit posts for censorship before posting. Pow.
For a girl with a sensitive spirit, this all comes as quite a blow and leaves me...floundering.
It leaves me with no voice and just really wondering what to do now. And yet God remains to be God over me, and the calling and gifts I have received remain to be there for Kingdom uses.
Defend the weak.
Speak on behalf of those who cannot speak themselves.
Maybe no one reads it. Maybe no one cares. Maybe no one agrees.
It's OK.
So there, I've put it out there. Random, yes. Maybe I just needed a place to start again after not having written anything for so long. Life is hard and complicated sometimes. It gets messy and people take offense. We lack grace and love and would rather close people out than feel awkward or condemned or disliked. And at the end of the day, my introverted self would much rather curl up in silence with a book than engage in risky business. But maybe some refocusing will get me going again. That's what I'm praying for.